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Dirty Jokes

Our benchmark collection of disgustingly filthy jokes are great for everything from livening up that depressing funeral procession to breaking the ice with your tax auditor. Whatever the occasion, you can stoop to new lows when you’re high on our dirty jokes!


Dirty Jokes

Confessional Box Joke

Posted September 16th, 2013 at 6:35 am in Dirty Jokes

A guy goes into the confessional box after years being away from the Church. He pulls aside the curtain, enters and sits himself down.

There’s a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the best vestry wine, Guinness on tap, cigars and liqueur chocolates nearby, and on the wall a fine photographic display of various women who appear to have misplaced their garments.

He hears a priest come in. “Father, forgive me for it’s been a very long time since I’ve been to confession and I must admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be.”

The priest replies, “Get out, you idiot. You’re on my side!”



Dirty Jokes

Hospital Call Joke

Posted May 17th, 2013 at 8:28 am in Dirty Jokes

A guy calls the hospital and says, “You gotta send help! My wife’s going into labor!” The nurse says, “Calm down. Is this her first child?” To which he replies, “No! This is her fucking husband!”



Dirty Jokes

Screwed Wife Joke

Posted January 16th, 2013 at 5:54 pm in Dirty Jokes

A man walks into a crowded local bar brandishing a revolver yelling “Who’s been screwing my wife?” A voice from the back of the bar shouts back, “You don’t have enough ammo, mate!”



Dirty Jokes

Ashamed of Wife Joke

Posted October 24th, 2012 at 9:23 am in Dirty Jokes

I was walking down the street with my wife earlier when she accused me of being ashamed to be seen with her. “That’s total bollocks” I replied, by text, from across the road.



Dirty Jokes

Track Team Steroids Joke

Posted October 7th, 2012 at 3:00 am in Dirty Jokes

The ambitious coach of a girls track team gives the squad steroids. The team’s performance soars. They win the county, state and eventually national championship. A few days before the international grand finals, Penelope, a 16-year-old hurdler visits her coach and says, “Coach, I have a problem. Hair is starting to grow on my chest.” “What?” the coach says in a panic, “How far down does it go?” Penelope replies, “Down to my testicles. That’s something else I want to talk to you about.”



Dirty Jokes

Husband Names Joke

Posted September 20th, 2012 at 4:55 am in Dirty Jokes

Three women were sitting around throwing back a few drinks and talking about their sex lives. Karen said, “I call my husband the dentist because nobody can drill like he does.” Joanne giggled and confessed, “I call my husband the miner, because of his incredible shaft.”

Kathy quietly sipped her whiskey until Joanne finally asked, “Well, what do you call your boyfriend?” Kathy frowned and said, “The postman.” Looking puzzeled Joanne asked, ”Why the postman?”

“Because… he always delivers late and half the time it’s in the wrong box.”



Dirty Jokes

Annual Checkup Joke

Posted August 31st, 2012 at 5:39 am in Dirty Jokes

During her annual checkup, the attractive woman was asked to disrobe and climb onto the examining table. “Doctor…” she replied shyly, “I feel uncomfortable undressing in front of you.” “All right,” said the physician, “I’ll flick off the lights. You undress and tell me when you’re done.” A few moments later her voice called out from the darkness, “Doctor, I’ve undressed. What should I do with all my clothes?” “Put them on the chair, on top of mine.”



Dirty Jokes

Sex Therapy Joke

Posted July 18th, 2012 at 7:25 am in Dirty Jokes

Two women had been having a friendly lunch when the subject turned to sex. “You know, John and I have been having some sexual problems”, Linda told her friend. “That’s amazing!” Mary replied, “So have Tom and I. We’re thinking of going to a sex therapist”, said Linda. “Oh, we could never do that! We’d be too embarrassed!”, responded Mary. “But after you go, will you please tell me how it went?”

Several weeks passed, and the two friends met for lunch again. “So how did the sex therapy work out, Linda?”, Mary asked. “Things couldn’t be better!” Linda exclaimed. “We began with a physical exam, and afterward the doctor said he was certain he could help us. He told us to stop at the grocery store on the way home and buy a bunch of grapes and a dozen donuts. He told us to sit on the floor nude, and toss the grapes and donuts at each other. Every grape that went into my vagina, John had to get it out with his tongue. Every donut that I ringed his penis with, I had to eat. Our sex life is wonderful, in fact it’s better than it’s ever been!”

With that endorsement Mary talked her husband into an appointment with the same sex therapist. After the physical exams were completed the doctor called Mary and Tom into his office. “I’m afraid there is nothing I can do for you,” he said. “But doctor,” Mary complained, “you did such good for Linda and John, surely you must have a suggestion for us! Please, please, can’t you give us some help? Any help at all?” “Well, OK,” the doctor answered. “On your way home, I want you to stop at the grocery store and buy a sack of apples and a box of Cheerios.”



Dirty Jokes

Case of Gonorrhea Joke

Posted July 9th, 2012 at 3:34 am in Dirty Jokes

The Mother Superior calls all the nuns together. She then says to them, “I must tell you something very serious. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent.” A nun in the back responds, “Thank God! I’m so tired of Zinfandel.”



Dirty Jokes

Mortician call Joke

Posted June 6th, 2012 at 3:10 am in Dirty Jokes

The mortician calls Mrs. Smith, and says, “Excuse me Mrs. Smith, but I can’t seem to close the lid to your husband’s coffin due to his enormous erection.” To which she replies, “Why don’t you cut it off and stick it up his ass? That’s the only hole in town it hasn’t been in.”





 


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Jerrod (Dec 20):

She’s less fun than a vegan pro-life feminist with Syphilis.



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