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Dr Thatslife AdviceDr Thatslife gives you the toughest answers to your toughest questions. Often less than flattering, usually offensive, but always valuable for those relationship questions you need the straight goods on. Dr Thatslife has spent years helping the helpless, now it’s your turn!
My girlfriend refuses me access to check her email in case she cheating on me. What should I tell her so she will let me see them. What if she seeing some other guys and I don’t know!!
Are you a moron? Do you honestly think she would be corresponding with her lover on her regular email account? You can rifle through the drudgery that is her regular email account – just remember all the action is happening in her garbage Hotmail account you’ll never know about. Respect her fucking privacy dude, even an ounce of maturity on your part would go a long way here, it’s like I’m listening to a zit popping high schooler. Your girlfriend must be constantly having to justify and substantiate social interactions with anyone outside of yourself – and this suffocating environment will inevitably drive her away from you, not closer to you. Yes you heard me right, your meddling will only FUEL exactly what you’re trying to prevent. Insecurity breeds more insecurity. The more you fester over what your girlfriend’s up to, the more it will consume you and build an ever more elaborate latticework of bullshit in your mind. Ultimately, insecure people that easily become consumed with jealousy will partner with people that play on those insecurities. No kidding! Ever wonder why you always seem to choose “aloof” girlfriends that you find difficult to trust? It’s because your insecurities are choosing them for you. Take a long hard look at your past and present relationships, see the pattern? Basically, the less you worry, the more peaceful everything becomes, so that you can actually ENJOY the relationship you have with this woman. You don’t own her, so let her off the leash and TRUST HER until she proves otherwise (i.e. having a spent rubber fall out of her goochie after getting back late from her “friend‘s” place). That’s life!
I keep telling my boyfriend he should have supplies around the house in case an emergency happens. He thinks I’m crazy. It’s not like I’m all over him about it, but I’ve mentioned it a few times over the years and I wish he’d take it seriously. I have a pantry full of supplies in the basement and it’s good to know it’s there. World seems so crazy lately and I want him to be prepared, just in case. Am I being overzealous with the whole readiness thing Dr Thatslife?
Nope, you are rightfully concerned. The general populous is woefully under prepared physically, mentally, financially and materially for even the most minor of emergencies. When you hear of highways coming to a stop because of natural disasters or trucks flipping over and within hours people stuck on those highways are requiring medical attention for anxiety attacks, dehydration, heart attacks, people shitting themselves and a laundry list of other medical conditions – it’s stunning. No they aren’t in the middle of a fire; their car hasn’t fallen into the ground rupture from an earthquake; their car isn’t submerged in several feet of water – they’re just sitting in a car on a road. That’s it. What a bunch of fucking lightweights. How could someone be so poorly equipped, so physically out of shape and mentally so ill prepared to cope with even the slightest of alterations from their daily routine of consumption and entertainment. It’s un-fucking-believable. To be fair, the vast majority of the people that make up this generation haven’t had to contend with any real tangible level of hardship or disaster. The problem is that this creates rampant complacency. Average households have fuck-all in terms of water, food, cash reserves, medical supplies, or even a fucking flashlight with batteries from this century. What’s most painful to see, is how people have let themselves physically turn to shit. They’re incapable of survival outside of the exact parameters of their exercise devoid life. Think of the last time you watched a typical overweight couple struggle to climb a single flight of stairs – then envision them coping with a catastrophic emergency. What a mess. As for mental and emotional readiness… at the first sign of disaster, everyone would be curled up into a ball of hopelessness, waiting for someone to rescue them. People are too dependent on the concept of others coming to bail them out of situations – when in reality those anticipated saviors won’t be anywhere in sight when a major “holy shit” event occurs. Look to recent regional disasters for proof of that. This lack of readiness is also the product of smaller living quarters for some. If you’re living in a 480sq ft studio apartment downtown Manhattan, then space for the Murphy bed will win over the 10 gallon water jugs and cases of meat ration. It’s a difficult balance when living in small footprints, the compromises are tough even for daily living items, let alone planning for a disaster that seems unlikely to ever occur. However, not having anything at all leaves you with exactly that – zero capacity to sustain yourself. To sum it up – if there was a major disaster, everyone would be eating dirt within a week. So I can COMPLETELY understand your stance. HOWEVER, it’s his life, and if he wants to eat dirt, that’s up to him. You’ve provided him with the knowledge, now it’s up to him what he does with it. He’s looking at the odds of a disaster, and he’s playing the game. Besides, he knows where the emergency supplies really are… your place! LOL!!! Good luck. That’s definitely life.
Me girl won’t let me go on a trip with the guys this summer, we all want to head to Vegas, the four of us for good times, but she’s giving me the gilt trip. The guys and I have been talking about this trip for a couple years, and wouldn’t want to miss it just because me girl is saying no. I ask her why and she’s all about how it’s dangerous there, I will get into trouble and meet other girls. I tell her I never done anything like that, so why she be thinking that way, I have only traveled once before and that was with family. We be going out for over a year, do I owe it to her to stay behind to make her feel better?
Fuck that… go on the bloody Vegas trip. She has zero rights to impede on a trip that you’ll fondly remember for the rest of your life, and a chance to really bond with your good friends. Trust me, 10 years from now, after everyone’s married, pumped out a few kids and swimming in debt and obligations, these types of opportunities will be slim to none – take them while you can. Tell her she is going to have to suck it up and trust you, no guilt trips, no downer conversations – your decision is final. The “Vegas is dangerous” argument of hers is the pinnacle of bullshit, if you said she was invited along she’d be packed faster than the speed of light – guess it’s not so dangerous after all. You can get into plenty of “trouble” fucking around bored out of your mind at home with your friends, Vegas is a dumbed down tourist trap that millions of mouth breathers verging on retardation have navigated without trouble, you‘ll be just fine. Finally, the infidelity argument might be understandable, if she‘s insecure it will be a genuine concern of hers. But your track record has proven you are faithful and trustworthy, keep that rolling while you’re in Vegas. The last thing you need to do is nail some disease ridden lush bag hooker that crawled out from the darkest corner of the strip. There you go, strike three – she’s out and you’re on your way. Off you go buddy, don’t shit the bed on such a great chance, your girlfriend will survive JUST FINE a few days on her own. That’s life man, enjoy it.
I divorced my husband several months ago because he sleeping with a bunch of other women and I caught two venereal diseases from him, both I’m stuck with forever. Since our split up I have dated a few guys and each time tell them I’ve got the STD’s they don’t want to have anything to do with me. If we do it carefully there shouldn’t be a problem wearing condoms, so I don’t know why they been freaking so much. I’m thinking I just shouldn’t say nothing since they probably won’t be catching anything anyway. Is this wrong or what? Otherwise I will be stuck with nobody forever.
Yep, it’s wrong. It’s not up to you to decide whether they should take the risk or not. I bet you know a lot less about how these diseases are transmitted than you think. You two will be merrily humping away, and a week later your boyfriend is at home pissing razor blades and looking at a prick full of puss filled blisters shouting your name, and it will all be over. Voila, you’ve fucked someone else’s life, congratulations cunt! Remember how scathingly fucking angry and foaming at the mouth you were when you found out what your husband so lovingly gave you? Is that teeth to the curb what you wish upon the people that trust you? Don’t think for a second you’ll magically fix the issue simply by avoiding it. If he doesn’t know there is anything wrong, how do you expect him to be the other half of the equation required to prevent transmission? Ohhh, YOU’RE going to manage the situation yourself? What an ignorant fool you are. In the heat of the moment, you’ve got your legs dangling in the air and he’s “polishing the deck”, you’re feeling oh so good… you aren’t going to reach a hand down to stop him and say “Feels great, but you’re contracting herpes.” The moment he whips his dong out, you won’t have anything resembling self control Danielle. This isn’t commentary on you specifically, it’s just fact that people tend to lose control in the heat of the moment when everything feels “oh so good”. It really is selfish to just decide it’s better not to say anything. If you love and respect someone you will tell them your status, and if they love and respect you, they will most likely work with it, not run for the hills like a one night stand. Love and trust don’t flourish when deception looms, as you should have learnt from your failed marriage with a husband that fucked a cheerleading squad of women behind your back. Just remember… the guy you sleep with could be a carrier too, and perhaps HE won’t be telling YOU. Feel like adding a third incurable disease to the list? EVERYONE should get tested before jumping in the sack with someone – no exceptions. That’s the way life goes.
I got married a year ago, and within a whole year of being married I feel like I’ve been put in a corner I don’t want to be in. I feel my husband is so addicted to pornography that it’s ruining our relationship. I don’t mind him looking at porn, but he has tried to convince me time and time again to hook up sexually with other men. He tells me constantly that he wants me to go have sex with several men before I go home. It has gotten so bad that during sex he will try to make me promise that I will go hook up as soon as possible. This has made me completely not want to have sex at all ever. I’ve tried to talk to him about how bad it truly bothers me but he does not care. What do I do?
I think you’re confusing the issues Miranda… What does your husband wanking off to Internet porn have to do with him pimping you out to random neighborhood men? He may or may not have a porn addiction, but that is a totally separate issue to what I can only imagine to be prostitution. Whether you’re aware of it or not, odds are high he’s trying to sell your “services” to these other men as a way to make some cashola. How else could you explain a husband lining up a bunch of drooling perverts to fuck his wife? You need to get out of this situation, pronto. Not only is this unhealthy mentally, but the consequences of following through with his desires would be life altering, Miranda. It would profoundly affect you mentally and physically, and he doesn’t seem to give a shit. If you succumb to his requests, and hit the sack with a few men, you would become so demoralized he would literally have a chokehold on you. There wasn’t anything in your consultation about this, but I assume he’s most likely controlling and manipulative in many other ways as well. I really hate to say it, but if you’ve been dealing with this since the beginning of your marriage, he may very well have married you in the hopes of using you for prostitution or some other similarly fucked up intention. Normal loving couples don’t eagerly persuade each other to get their brains fucked out by strangers – this is NOT a normal part of a marriage, no matter what he tells you. Even if I’m wrong and this has nothing to do with cashing in, and it’s just his jolly friends that want to fill your orifices with their cum, it’s still incredibly wrong. You need to stand up for yourself, give him a final assertive, non-negotiable “NO” on having sex with other men, and if he doesn’t respect your request you need to immediately start building an action plan to exit the relationship. Source friends, relatives and help groups as your support network; build a cash reserve however you can so you can be self sustaining, and so forth. You need to do this now, not a year from now when you’ve pumped out a child and built other encumbrances and ties to him that would make it more difficult for you to leave. You need to do this NOW. That’s life.
Me and my boyfriend have been steady for close to 3 years. He has had two different cars during those years, and is now interested in buying another. My problem is he always buys gas guzzling sports cars with big engines, and I don‘t agree with this. When he told me about the high performance car he was seriously considering this time, I told him I was uncomfortable with his decision because the car is an environmental abomination. He won’t take me seriously, and no matter what I say it has no influence on what he wants to buy. I do my part by recycling and other conscious decisions, I think he should be thoughtful of his environmental footprint too, but he has shown no interest in caring no matter how many times I bring it up. How can I persuade him to make the right decision?
Oh pull out the violin why don’t you? The guy is obviously a motor head and fast cars are his hobby, why don’t you leave the fucking guy alone? I’d LOVE to see your lack luster half baked list of environmental efforts. Lots of talk and “consciousness” with next to zero achievements under your belt. Oh look, you recycle your pop bottles, WOW! Installed a low flush toilet? Holy shit Batman! Bought a compact car with the power of a windup toy (because you couldn‘t afford a better one)? Whoop-dee-doo Sandy. You‘re my fucking hero. You may think you’re some champion savoir of the planet – but I bet the shirt off my back you do fuck all for the environment beyond whatever has the least amount of impact to your personal comfort and convenience. If you really did what it took to make a considerable difference, you’re life wouldn’t even REMOTELY resemble its current form. The changes would be so radical you’d be sucking your thumb, crying yourself to sleep each night. Companies want you to think that just because you bought their “reduced packaging” clothes detergent or bought an Energy Star big screen TV that the world has been saved, but they’re all empty gestures that amount to a spectacular cavalcade of bullshit. What I mean by all this Sandy, is if you’re going to be pestering and imposing on others about your supposed views, walk the fucking walk. I find it fascinating the only effort you can attest to doing is recycling, something everyone has been doing for the past 20-something years. Farts from the cows that hectares of land had been clear-cut for that make up those burgers you shovel into your gullet harm the world just as much or more than whatever car your boyfriend decides to buy and cruise around with. “How can I persuade him”? Persuade him with what? Dangle the idea of some hack car with a hairdryer engine he can show off to all his car enthusiast friends? Wow, great… you really know how to let a guy enjoy his youth and manhood. I can just imagine the other ways you impede on his enjoyment. Not every guy has the privilege of a hobby they’re passionate about; DON’T give him the guilt trip on what makes him happy. You live in a small town, I can’t imagine there’s much (if anything) to do, don’t take away what keeps his sanity. Otherwise you’ll end up with one grumpy motherfucker – and rightfully so. Can I be any clearer on this Sandy? Leave him the fuck alone. If you want to go on an environmental crusade, that is fine, I respect that. But just like religious nuts, you can’t force your views on others. You have no right to. They will make the decisions that you were allowed to make at your own time, on their own. Wow, I feel a lot better after that tirade. That’s life.
My husband and I have been married for almost 5 years, have a beautiful 2 year old baby boy and are high school sweethearts. A month ago we were at a party and one of my long time friends, in a roundabout way, said she was curious about having a threesome with me and my husband. I dismissed the idea immediately, figuring she had a few too many to drink, but it recently came to light that my husband took the offer much more seriously than I did. He believes it would “spice up our sex life”, but I am just completely uncomfortable with the idea. I have no desire to share an intimate encounter with another woman under any circumstance, particularly with my good friend of many years. Ever since, my husband has asked me about this a few times, even though I made it very clear I am not interested. Help Dr Thatslife, I wish my friend never said anything.
I think your hubby is forgetting what it would be like for him if the tables were turned. The very thought of another man with his cock and balls hanging there and a wife’s eager face ready to pounce, waving him in for some “sword crossing action” would leave your husband physically convulsing and retching in the aisles. So why should he expect any less of a response from yourself? In all honesty, guys do have a tendency to fantasize about threesomes starring a couple of naked damsels and the cock master hero (themselves) single handedly quenching their insatiable sexual desires. Popular culture and porn have propagated the ideal that woman will gleefully tear each other’s clothes off and muff dive each other at the first sign of an opportunity. However reality obviously dictates a vastly different story that is much more in tune with your response to such an opportunity. Don’t get me wrong – threesomes certainly do happen aplenty, there is no shortage of stories out there, but not how the innuendo in the latest beer commercials would have you believe. Your husband’s efforts to coerce you with repeated pleas are a testament to the strength of men’s fantasy to partake in threesomes. What he conveniently attempts to bypass are the sticky matters such as the harmful effect it would have between you and your friend, the jealousness that would sprout from the event, and ultimately how it abandons care for your well-being. “Spicing up your sex life” does not require stepping out of your sexual orientation, but rather exploring different components of your sexuality and diversifying your sexual experiences. What he also conveniently overlooks is just how awkward such an experience can be. He’s envisioning the porn movie he watched where the guy’s showering the two naked girls with Champaign while they feast on each other and he’s finger banging them in perfect unison. In reality it would be an awkward and unnatural experience, particularly for you – in the onset, during and after the event – and he hasn’t spent two seconds thinking of it that way. What should you do? Don’t feel obliged to go along with the idea. You need to make it implicitly clear that you “don’t go that way” and that he needs to respect your sexual boundaries. To concrete your point – set the scene by letting him visualize if it were a threesome involving another man. Either he’ll understand your “run for the hills” response, or you have bigger issues to worry about than you thought. LOL That my dear, is life.
Alright Doc, I’ll keep this simple. I work in a lumber yard in a small town, have a car, and have long 12 hour shifts, and can‘t easily get breaks except lunch and a couple quick cigarette breaks. My girlfriend works in a drug store a few miles from where I work and about a 15-20 minute walk from her house. Each day she expects me to leave work to drive her home after her 7 hour shift and then come back to work. I’m getting in trouble for ducking out to do these drives, and I told me girl I couldn’t do it anymore. She was really pissed and made it seem like I don’t care about her. To make it worse, when in an argument about it I said “Maybe the walk would be good for you.” to her making it out that I thought she could use the exercise. Every day when I come by after work to see her she’s venting because she had to walk home. What the hell do I do to keep the peace?
Employment and maintaining your job in a small town is very important, and for you to jeopardize that for your lazy girlfriend would be ludicrous. She would not see it that way as she is so focused on her own needs and comfort. Not only that, but she has no sense or concept of what it is like to work a shift almost double the length of hers in the manual labor conditions of a lumber yard. Often such jobs can be brutally strict about “ducking out” to do personal errands as you‘re probably starting to realize. There are most likely dozens of other local people vying for your job, don’t give them a chance to snatch it from you, as losing your job would most likely be catastrophic. Besides educating your girlfriend of these facts, she’s going to have to grow up and realize that she’s an adult woman that needs to get HERSELF to and from HER job, just as you have figured out how to do. If her job pay sucks, her commuting options will equally suck. Walk, roller blade or bike. Take your fucking pick, they all suck, that‘s life. Make a little more money? TA-DAAAA, you’ve been upgraded to monthly bus pass. Make even more money? Oh look! The almighty CAR option suddenly appears! She interpreted your conversation about her “needing the walk” badly because she is conscious of the fact she does need to walk it, and not doing so is lazy. She probably hates her own laziness. This can hopefully serve as inspiration for her to build her career to a point where a car becomes financially feasible for her, if not, oh well! Whether by foot or half a dozen people hanging onto the back of a 50cc moped, billions of other people around the world have figured out how to get their asses to and from work each day. She’s just going to have to suck it up and join those ranks of self sufficient adults, because you giving in to her demands will help nobody. That is most definitely, life.
My boyfriend of half a year and I have been fighting a lot, usually about stupid things. Last week when we were arguing about where to go out on Friday night he got so angry he pulled the clock radio beside our bed out of the wall and threw it at me hitting me on the side of the head. He apologized and tried to make me feel better, but I was shook up. He kept telling me that his past got the best of him and that he was abused when he was younger. He told me it wouldn’t happen again. Honestly I was feeling for a while like he was going to do something like this and it finally happened. Two nights ago we were in another argument and he grabbed my hand and bent it back, it really hurt, I’m not sure if maybe I deserved it. Again, he said he wouldn’t ever do anything like that, and this time he seemed sincere about not hurting me again. Do I believe him? Please help me on this one.
Seriously, if every time you two are pissy about some trivial matter and he’s so enraged that you’re flinching like an abused dog, it’s time to get the fuck out of there. Whatever physical or psychological abuse he sustained when younger doesn’t grant him a license to pick up random household objects and hurl them at your head. When fights are happening often and are progressing into more violent occurrences, you really need to ask yourself “Why the fuck do I need this in my life?” There isn’t anything he can do in the times he’s not throwing things at you and verbally abusing you to make up for any of this. And his assurances that he will abstain from this behavior, we both know, are a total farce. He’s already demonstrated that to you. Your instinctive response as a woman to your boyfriend’s tumultuous past may be of sympathy and to mother him (the mother bird taking in the injured hatchling into her nest); but this is a battle he needs to deal with himself. Don’t feel obliged to be his life support, it is not your responsibility, you owe him nothing. You’re only at the half year mark in your relationship and he’s already pulling these stunts. What’s going to happen with your next fight? Could be just a minor domestic spat… or you could be in the hospital with your appendages in a pile on the table beside you – you just don’t fucking know. The only great thing to come out of these fights where he clocks you (quite literally) and purposely inflicts pain on you, is that it gives you an actionable motive to break it off with him. This guy will continue to fill your life with bullshit turmoil, grief, noise and mounting abuse that you can do without. Breaking up with him on the phone will suffice, keep it brief, be firm and don’t accept pleas for “another chance”. Make sure that parents, friends and others close to you are aware of what’s happening in case he decides to handle the situation less than gracefully. And for fuck’s sake don’t hesitate to get police involved at the first sight of “loony bin” behavior from this guy. You may have been attracted to such an individual because of your own insecurities and emotional weaknesses. So walk away from this train wreck; take time to build up your confidence, gain self worth and clear your mind; and seek someone who respects you and whom contributes a positive influence into your life. Best of luck, Thats life!
I have been with me girlfriend for the better part of 2 years. I was without a girlfriend for quite some time, but she appeared into my life and ended it thankfully. When I first met her she was overweight, but it wasn’t anything too bad, I could live with it. The problem is that her weight has been going up ever since we became a couple, I mean a lot! It has gotten to the point where she would definitely be considered obese. She continually has to get larger clothes, already the size she bought late last year are looking tight. Honestly, she’s less attractive to me, to the point where I am turned off of sex. I am a pretty slim and tall guy, we don’t even look right together any more. It is sad, her personality is alright, but this has become a major issue. Doc, would I be an asshole by bringing this issue up with her? Telling her how I feel? I am really beginning to second guess this relationship.
The whole weight thing is a brutal topic, particularly when your partner goes from heavy duty to livestock proportions. You’re probably beginning to worry about just how much this girl will expand; with lucid nightmares of her rolling over at night suffocating you under the weight of her massive, sweaty, mammary glands. I don’t think you would be an asshole for talking the issue over with her, but you wouldn’t be covering any new ground. Both of you know she has weight issues – she’s already well aware of that. The only breaking news in such a conversation is perhaps just how uncomfortable you have become with her weight. The real issue I want to deal with isn’t in fact her weight, it’s the relationship itself. From your consultation, two things stand out. First, you made a point of mentioning that she saved you from the solitude of being without a girlfriend for what most likely felt like an eternity. Bradley, when you’re out at sea for a long time without catching anything, Captain Dickhead takes command of the ship, and he doesn’t give a fuck about anything except finding a warm hole to unload your balls into. When you met her, you most likely lacked self confidence, and frankly, were probably pretty desperate. It is under these circumstances when we become attracted to less than stellar partners that will play on the deficiencies we hold within ourselves. It’s almost as if such a couple feeds of each other’s insecurities. What stemmed from a primal desire to have companionship and to just sit and play with a set of tits; has turned into a relationship that has more than likely exceeded its use by date. Secondly, you really don’t sound ecstatic about the relationship. I think you’re hanging on to her due to a lack of better options, and the fear of returning to solitude. When you wake up in the morning and think about her, you ain’t doing the jig of happiness, it’s obvious. If some well built lass with a bubbly personality entered your life, you’d drop the whale in a heartbeat. You owe it to yourself to do a serious reassessment of the relationship from top to ever amassing bottom. Build your confidence, appreciate who you are, and most importantly don’t be scared of not being in a relationship, for the sake of finding the right one. That’s life buddy. |
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Anthony, 34 from McKinney, Texas writes…
Dr Thatslife has this to say….
Andrea, 31 from Fort Worth, Texas writes…
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