We had great conversations until that night! Posted December 12th, 2007 in Dr Thatslife Advice

 Joel, 18 from England writes…

“It all started last Christmas when I was going down to my local pub a lot and spending a lot of time with the barmaid there. She is the manager there and she has two kids and at the time she was not involved with anyone. I was at college at the time and as you can imagine I was always penniless. This woman asked me to help her out with babysitting which I was more than happy to do as I needed the money and she was a good friend. After I babysat she would come back and we would have a chat about mine and her problems and we became very close as friends and at this point I had no feelings for her in anyway apart from being friends.

After New Years eve I babysat again, but this time when she came back she broke down and started crying so I tried my best to comfort and we ended up messing about on the sofa for about 5 hours, but we didn’t have sex. My problem is that ever since then our relationship is not the same she doesn’t talk to me anymore and we just cannot communicate the way we used to. I mean even the next day we didn’t talk about what had happened. Don’t get me wrong I haven’t fallen head over heels for her I just wish that we could be back to how we where. Any ideas ???? She is 32 by the way.”

 Dr Thatslife has this to say…

Hmmm obviously the ol’ romp session on the couch hampered the conversation factor big time.

The combination of what happened with the screwing around on the couch and the embarrassment of her breaking down and crying in front of you have caused an awkwardness. YOU need to take initiative and break it.

Ask her over to your place, take her out, whatever… talk to her about the situation. Tell her how you feel and be open with her. First say that since the night of what happened, conversation between you two just hasn’t been the same - and you want it back the way it was. She will most likely agree that she feels the same.

Ask her how she feels about that night, about your friendship and about this lack of conversation. Be sensitive to how she feels, its not everyone’s ideal situation to break down in front of their friends, then start making out with them.

You need to make it clear to her that you don’t want the friendship to be lost or compromised because of what happened, and that you want to put it behind the two of you and regain what you had.

If your communication is as good as you told me it was before this happened, things should turn out for the better.

That’s Life!