She always wants me to buy her stuff! Posted March 18th, 2008 in Dr Thatslife Advice

Dan, 28 from New York, USA writes…

I have a hot 20 year old girlfriend that I usually get along well with. I know she’s 8 years younger, but she is mature for her age. My problem is she always wants me to flip the bill for everything. I don’t mind paying for dinner out and things like that, so it’s not that I’m a cheap skate. But if we walk through a department store she’s always showing me things like jewelry, make up and clothes and pushing me to buy them for her. She says “If you love me you’ll want to buy me nice things.” and if I don’t get them for her she gets angry in the store and it turns into a night of arguing. Worst of all she barely thanks me for things when I do buy them for her. I make a decent income but it isn’t that great, not enough to afford all these things she wants. Most other parts of our relationship are good, but this one really is tough and happens often. Any help doc?

Dr Thatslife has this to say…

When this little handful you’ve got says “If you love me you’ll want to buy me nice things”, your reply should be “If you love me you wouldn’t be asking me to buy you expensive unnecessary shit.” Shovelling out cash like a bank machine has nothing to do with love, and she’s either too immature, materialistic or selfish to appreciate that. Her temper tantrums in the store would lean me towards immaturity, which if you were honest with yourself, you would probably see in other ways she conducts herself. Ultimately though, these uncomfortable retail situations, and particularly the lack of gratitude when you do follow along, demonstrate she has all three of these endearing characteristics.

She’s probably more maintenance than you’re willing to realize, she just presents the neediness in a way that you’ll feel compelled to go along with to keep the peace. Is she the type that if you go into the video store, 99.9% of the time you walk out with a title she picked? If that sounds oh so familiar, have a good fucking look at that for what it is. I’m assuming she was the one that told you “People think I’m so mature for my age.” Women that tell you that are always, without exception, the total opposite and are always a complete fucking mess.

I’m figuring you’ve caved in quite a few times to head off pending nights of bickering and to retain your sex privileges for another night. But caving in would have only further fueled the problem. Ponying up the cash for dinners or drinks is fine, but the whole “fill my wardrobe” thing just doesn’t fly. Have a tough love stance on this, keep strong on your unwillingness to buy all of this shit. If she persists, moving on from the relationship wouldn’t be a big loss. More importantly Dan, keep a watch on the relationship as a whole, be acutely aware of whether you’re being trampled on and being taken advantage of.

That, my friend, is life.