I’m 15 and my friend is pushing for sex… should I? Posted October 10th, 2007 in Dr Thatslife Advice

 Amy, 15 from North Carolina writes…

“Well I have this “friend” that’s a guy and we’ve been talking on and off for about 5 months now. The thing is, that he’s 19 and he goes to college and I don’t see him very much right now. But when we first started talking he was so nice to me and we spent a lot of time together over Christmas and new years. Now that he’s in school, I only see him maybe once in 3 weeks, if that. In February he started talking to his old girlfriend again that he had been dating for over a year. But a month ago he came to see me and we were together that night. He keeps telling me that he wants to have sex, but I don’t think I’m ready. I really like him and I don’t think he even knows how much I care about him. He isn’t sure about what his relationship is with his old girlfriend. And I am not sure what to do about him. I like being with him and doing things, but I don’t think I’m ready to give in all the way. When I talked to him the other day he got angry because I told him I wasn’t sure if I was ready or not. In a way I think that he just wants to have sex and that’s it, but then sometimes I think that he really enjoys being with me and wants a relationship. What should I do?”

 Dr Thatslife has this to say…

This is ridiculous. Your 15, the wrong age to be getting into this kind of shit. He never spends time with you (really), he is still sitting on the fence on the whole ex-girlfriend situation, but he thinks it sure would be nice to bop you. Your not even dating him! He has made no level of commitment to you, you could give in and go all the way, and he can technically go around to his girlfriends house the next day and do her too. That’s the kind of situation your setting yourself up for.

It sounds like he’s taking you for a major ride. The fact that he got angry when you voiced your opinion of not having sex only concreted the fact he’s a fucking idiot that doesn’t value you, or the fact that this is completely not appropriate. I would say just leave this guy out of the picture, or at the very most keep him as a casual FRIEND. As in, lets go watch a movie, or lets go talk over coffees. Step back and actually come up with some reasons as to exactly why you like him and think he’s a good guy, I think you will really have to search around to find any - if your honest with yourself. It maybe all cool in dream world to get wrapped up in some 19 year old guy that shows interest in you, but reality says its just bad news. If he really enjoyed being with you and cared about you he would put more effort into it then seeing you once every three weeks, and wouldn’t push you into something you didn’t want to do and weren’t ready for.

You have lots of time ahead of you in life to find the right person to make love with for the first time. What you have right now is just plain sex with someone you don’t love. Save it for someone you really do love, or you’ll regret it when you look back at it all. I’m sure of it.

That’s Life!