My parents don’t like my boyfriend, what can I do? Posted December 15th, 2007 in Dr Thatslife Advice

 Sue, 18 from Sunnyvale writes…

“I’ve been dating this guy for almost 9 months and everything’s great. The only problem is that my parents don’t know about it. My parents are very strict and want me to date boys that are Chinese. My boyfriend is Caucasian, three years older than me, and doesn’t go to college. My parents think he’s not good enough for me and too old for me. They think he’s only my friend and that I haven’t been talking to him since I came to college in the fall. I feel bad lying to them and angry when they say bad things about him, but I wish they would accept the fact that we are a serious couple. My older siblings have had this problem too, and my parents are always telling me to not turn out like them. I feel that they are forcing me to live my life by fixing the mistakes my siblings made. I want my parents to know about us, but I think they will disown me. I just wish my parents would be happy for me because I’m happy. What should I do?”

 Dr Thatslife has this to say…

In the first part of your message you say that your parents “don’t know about it”, later on you say “you wish they would accept the fact that we are a serious couple.” Have you really given them a chance? I think you really need to break it to them pronto and stop beating around the bush. Nine months of sneaking around is a bullshit waste of time and effort. They will find out eventually, why not just let them know now so you can save yourself all the hassle and hard times worrying about what they think.

Alrighty then, lets break it down. Does the fact that he is Caucasian mean ANYTHING? Hell no! Your parents definitely need to get with the times on that one. 3 years older then you? Shit - you want to know how many piles and piles of consultations I get with girls around 18 wanting to know how to break it to their parents their going out with a 32 year old!? 3 years is perfectly fine, they need to get real on that one too! No college? Me neither, so what? News flash - not everyone in America is going to college! You can be successful in this world without a god damn receipt …err… I mean diploma. The real question is, are you having fun with him? Yes!? Then he’s perfect for you. Its that simple Sue.

Keeping in mind after all this - YOUR 18, you can make your own bloody decisions as to who you date and who you don’t date. They aren’t the ones spending all the time with this guy, YOU ARE. Your parents are just going to have to cop it.

So basically, you sit them down, and in a calm manner, explain to them the situation, tell them that you really enjoy being with this guy, don’t hide the amount of time you have been going out with the guy… 9 months will only prove that he isn’t a passing trend and that you are actually taking things seriously. Tell them they need to give him a chance, and that it would mean a lot to you.

Sue… I highly doubt they will disown you just because of the boyfriend you pick. So good luck, listen to what they have to say, don’t get ultra emotional. Give them facts and reasons behind why they should accept your boyfriend and hopefully everything will turn out for the better.

That’s Life!