Is this friendship ever going to be more than sex? Posted November 12th, 2007 in Dr Thatslife Advice

 Louise, 24 from Columbia writes…

“Okay, I don’t know what to do about a “friend” I have. I have been “friends” with Bruce for a little over a year now. I say “friends” because it is a little hard to categorize our relationship. We have been sleeping together through out our relationship. I wanted more than just a “fuck friend” and it seemed that is all it was. We hung out at my house all the time, never going to his place. He is 32 and he told me he lived with his mom because she asked him to help her out. So the fact we never went to his house was understandable. Well after six months in the relationship, it still was not going anywhere.

I tried to talk to him several times about not being fuck buddies and he always said it was more than that. Well things would get better for awhile. Most of the time we talked about his problems and we would hangout and watch TV. We have gone out to dinner a few times, always to the same restaurant, and we have gone to the movies a few times. Well recently I found out he is staying with another woman. Not really living with his mom. He said it was 50% of his time at Mom and 50% at Laura’s. I lost it when I found out. (He didn’t tell me, I found out by accident.) He has since told me she is just an ex-girlfriend and they were just friends. They see other people. Well I don’t know if I believe him. Have you ever heard of something like that? Well the question is should I still try to be friends with him or should I try to tell Laura who maybe in a serious relationship with him? I don’t plan on sleeping with him again. At least, until he moves away from Laura’s. He tells me he wants more and doesn’t want to lose me in his life. My friendship is too important to loose. Part of me just wants to tell him to Fuck Off! Please help! Is he full of shit??? I don’t know what to do!!!”

 Dr Thatslife has this to say…

Yeah, I think he’s full of shit. When I was reading your consultation, it was obvious even before reading on, that this living with his momma thing was crap. At any rate a 32 year old living with his mother is either because he ain’t got the money to be else where, is a mommas boy, or yes, possibly because he really needs to help her out because she has some sort of disability, but what are the real odds of that? Then when I read he is ACTUALLY living with his ex-girlfriend, that’s when we struck reality. This 50 / 50 thing is absolute diarrhea. Try 98% girlfriend, the rest his momma. If he is lying to you about this story initially, what makes you think anything else he is telling you is true?

Don’t complicate things, you have no need to tell Laura what’s going on, its her problem, don’t make it yours any more then it already is. It is between them. He said Laura is an ex-girlfriend, whether that is true or not, you don’t need to get involved. Unless of course a situation comes up that makes it easy for you to talk to her and sus out the situation between them and decide then, whether it would be very valuable for her to know what’s going on. Its not fair for anyone to have a fuckwit like this guy cheating on them.

Your actual dates with him out to the same restaurant over and over again and the cobbled together collection of other stuff like watching TV sounds like a joke. Don’t expect it to get better, he would have pulled all the stops out at the beginning of the relationship, it only gets progressively worse from here.

Don’t tell me this “no sex with him anymore, at least until he moves out”. Common Louise, make up your fucking mind. Either he is the type of person you want to share such an intimate act with or not. Whether he moves out of a girlfriends place you didn’t even know about has absolutely nothing to do with whether you should have sex with him. Decide based on the real substance of who he is, a looser. I’m sure if you had other options in terms of guys, this one wouldn’t exist.

He’s taking you for a ride, so lift your arm, extend that finger, because your “Tell him to fuck off” option sounds like your best idea yet.

That’s Life!