What if they make me feel worse? Posted January 15th, 2008 in Dr Thatslife Advice

 Heather, 14 from Australia writes…

“Well, I am not a popular girl at school. That’s all right, because I don’t want to be. But I don’t have many friends besides my small group, and I’d like to have a few other friends just to keep up my interest. I am a bit younger than other girls in my grade, plus shorter, so I feel inferior, even if I’m not. I’m also afraid my friends will get mad at me if I hang around with other people, even a bit of the time. I am also quite shy, and I have a fear of talking to people. I wonder if there is some way to talk to people without being extremely brave or already with a group of friends?

PS I have troubles keeping my self esteem up, so if someone snubbed me, it would really hurt my feelings.”

 Dr Thatslife has this to say…

You know what? There is actually a positive side of getting snubbed off…When they “snub you off” you now know that the guy or girl is not worth wasting your time over anyway. Anyone that would just snub someone else is pretty self centered. Also, never presume that will happen. A lot of people out there are in the same boat as you…Looking for new friends, or just “a friend” for that matter, and are quite open to the idea of meeting someone new, like you.

Most people have a core group of friends that stick in there time and time again, and a number of other friends that sort of come and go. What you have is no different from what many others have, you may just think every else has dozens of friends.

Don’t ever think you have to limit who else you see because you may offend your current friends for even a second. If they get mad at you just because you are trying to expand your social circle, they have issues! One good way for you to meet people at school is to become active in the clubs, sporting and other events that happen in your school. If you aren’t into that sort of scene right now, at least look into it. Every person that would be in your “team” or “meetings” are all potential people you could meet and hang out with.

As for your self esteem…This will be the corniest thing you will ever hear, but it all comes back to looking in the mirror in the morning and saying “I like me”. No shit! You WILL feel better, just burst out of the house in the morning, proud of who you are, and it will make a tremendous difference. Not only with how YOU feel, but how OTHERS see you. Its very obvious when someone is happy with who they are. Your concern about age and height difference really just isn’t an issue. Its what you make of it.

So, enjoy who you are and the rest will all come into place with some effort and fun along the way.

That’s life!