Looses his erection when puts condom on! Posted November 27th, 2007 in Dr Thatslife Advice

 April, 19 from Austin writes…

“There really isn’t much detail, but here goes… My boyfriend and I recently started having sex (it was his first time but not mine, if that even makes a difference). We had sex without any problems for the first three times and now all of a sudden he goes limp when it is time to put the condom on! I’m not sure why this is happening the only explanation I can think if is that he loses his former concentration when putting on the condom. why does this happen and what can we do to fix the problem?”

 Dr Thatslife has this to say…

No need to worry! Your boyfriend is definitely not the only guy on the planet with this problem. It can be from a number of things, and don’t worry, it most likely isn’t anything you have caused.

The first possibility is that it could be a result of performance anxiety. He’s playing around with you, has a major woody, he knows its time to flip the rubber on and there is a mind association with putting it on and keeping the hard-on. This makes him sub consciously try too hard to keep the erection and looses it! That’s right - you heard me… If a guy tries too hard and thinks too much about keeping his flag pole at full mask, he will most likely loose it! So after a few times going at it with you, the fourth time this thought may have entered his mind and voila, limp factor 100!

Second possibility, yeah, it could be a concentration thing. Those fucking wrappers, who designed them anyway!?! If you can tell that the whole “removal of the condom” phase is making him loose it, there are new condoms on the market with easy open packs. The whole process of popping the rubber on really can distract the whole mood and the boner factor can really take a hit because of it.

So how can we fix this situation up you ask? There are a few things you can try to help. Make sure you guys have a lot of foreplay (I’m sure neither of you will mind this) to make sure he is good and wound up. If you get into it all too fast, you can also loose the boner real fast too. Take your time! Make sure he is not under the impression that there is any rush or pressure to hurry. Another thing is, if his mind isn’t helping, manual stimulation could. Since a boner can basically pop up due to one of two things, mental / visual simulation or physical stimulation, if one isn’t working, try the other!

Most importantly… What you say has a tremendous impact on his ability to handle this situation. If you start hounding him on this asking “What’s wrong with you, why can’t you keep it up?” it WILL worsen the matter BIG TIME. Even if you are saying something like “I hope you don’t loose your erection when you put your condom on…” while he’s doing it, he WILL loose it. This is because those types of comments are only adding additional strain to the situation, further increasing his anxiety and decreasing his boner time. If he gets enough anxiety over this whole thing over a long enough period of time, he may even start having problems getting a boner, at all! Use positive and understanding words in stead. If he looses it, maybe say something along the lines of how you would love to do some things to him to get “it” back up again. Reassure him outside of your love making time that no matter if he looses the boner or not, you will still have a good time, and that you understand.

So keep the situation relaxed, show understanding and support, and try some of these points. It would be a good idea to go check out some official reference materials on the matter of “erectile dysfunction” in addition to this advice.

That’s Life!