I’m waiting until marriage to have sex, but he isn’t! Posted October 13th, 2007 in Dr Thatslife Advice

 Charley, 16 from Houston writes…

“My current boyfriend of about a month and a half is by far not a virgin. In fact, he’s used to being a ‘playa’ and getting it often. He is 18, and said he lost his virginity at 16. When he met me, he knew he only wanted me, so we began to go out, and soon became an item. I was quite innocent when we began going out, and he became my first everything except kiss. He now wants me to have sex with him, but I have expressed to him that I want to wait for marriage. We seem to have the same conversation about sex every few days, and each time he seems to understand my point of view. But each time we’re together again, he brings it up again, even though he knows it upsets me. He says he loves me, and I love him too, but there ain’t that much love in the world for me to disrespect myself that way, what should I do?? Please help!”

 Dr Thatslife has this to say…

Your last line summed it up perfectly, he basically wants you to “disrespect yourself”, for him. He isn’t respecting your beliefs or values whatsoever! If he really did love you and understand you, he wouldn’t be on your case about it all the time. This is a decision you came to and he isn’t willing to appreciate that or understand the reasoning behind it.

There are a whole number of reasons why you probably rightfully chose not to have sex until marriage. Most importantly as far as I’m concerned, is your protecting yourself from the potential ramifications of sex such as unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. Both of which have the possibility of really screwing up your life big time. Making sex something not to be taken lightly or be done because of persuasion by someone else that doesn’t respect them self as much. This is all aside from the fact that you have only been going out for a month and a half, and if he’s been nagging you for weeks on this already I bet, so what’s his god dam rush!?

I’m sure he throws this whole bullshit “I’m a playa” thing in your face as a way of making you feel bad, and to give in to his request since “everyone else has done it”. Well, that brings up it’s own interesting point. If he really is this pimp mac daddy fuck like he says he is, that bumps up the STD risk factor big time. Knocking boots with him is starting to sound a lot more scary.

I think the decision you have made shows the strength of who you are. Changing the decision because of a boyfriends desire to have sex with you, only shows weakness. You need to make it very clear to him that under no circumstance will the two of you be having sex. This can be accomplished by the usual sit down conversation, somewhere in private and neutral. Do not be afraid that he will become disinterested in you or break up because of this. If he does, he was the wrong person for you anyway. If he is in this for the right reasons, he will understand and no longer hammer you over the head about this. You have a good sense of what you want and who you are, don’t let a self proclaimed “player” take that from you.

That’s Life!