She’s going to tell his wife I kissed him! Posted November 24th, 2007 in Dr Thatslife Advice

 Candace, 18 from Miami writes…

“I have a bit of a problem. My married best friend, Jay, just had his 21st birthday the other day. His wife wasn’t around because she was out of state visiting her family. Anyways, at the party it was just me, Jay, and two other friends. We decided to play truth or dear just to have some fun. Well Liza dared me to give Jay a little kiss… We were all drunk and it didn’t mean anything so I did.

Now, since then, me and Liza had a HUGE fight about something really stupid. And she said that she was gonna tell Jay’s wife about the kiss… She also said that she was gonna tell Jays wife that we went even further then that… Which is so far from the truth. I need your help REALLY quick cause Melissa (Jays wife) is coming back some time next week… and I have NO idea what to do! For some reason Melissa never liked me… and I know that she is somehow gonna get me back bad, unless I have some good explanation. How can I get her to believe me!? Dr. Thatslife… PLEASE help!”

 Dr Thatslife has this to say…

Sounds like you’re dealing with a real immature little shit. What you need to do is look at the motives behind the threat, who she is TRYING to hurt, who she is REALLY hurting and see if with this information whether you can dismantle her desire to actually execute it.

So, you two got into some bullshit cat fight over a miniscule completely irrelevant to the grand scale of life issue, and since she felt threatened by it, she wants to retaliate. This is in the form of telling someone else’s wife that you kissed her husband and then elaborate that with lies. What is this girl smoking? Yes it will hurt you because it sounds like you are good friends with both Jay and his wife, but the real people who get hurt are Jay and his wife. Is Liza sure that she wants to hurt all three people? Because that is what she will do. If she was a friend to the other two she wouldn’t carry out her threat. You really shouldn’t be kissing a married man, pissed out of your mind or not - that is purely an excuse. However, Liza has no right to make everyone miserable with the story and then add lies. Once those lies are told, it will be difficult to tell Jay’s wife they are lies. It may lower the wife’s trust in him and this could hurt the relationship.

Grab this little shit, and in a VERY calm and non emotional way, explain to her all of this. Say that you would like to put your differences behind, call it quits on the little problem you were having, and just go your separate ways. Don’t state that the fight was over nothing, this could erupt her, she wouldn’t have gone to the lengths of threatening you if she didn’t think of it as important or worth defending her point of view over. She needs to know there is no actual benefit of her executing her threat, the only result is a big time conflict at the “Jay and Company Household”. So if she is not a complete moron, she will realize the foolishness of it all. If she seems pretty stuck on the idea, there are two scenarios… She is all talk and will never actually go through with it all, and the other is that she goes and tells Jay’s wife. That is when you will most likely be confronted by Jay’s wife and you will need to be honest
with her. Explain the whole situation as you did to me, and that is about the best you can do. Hopefully if she is receptive to your side of the story she will let go the more elaborate tales told by the little shit.

That’s Life!