He’s married with kids, and twice my age! Posted January 21st, 2008 in Dr Thatslife Advice

 Adrienne, 18 from America writes…

“I started working for a construction company at the end of August. I casually met and started talking to my bosses right-hand man…who happens to be 37 and married with 4 kids. I am engaged to a wonderful man who lives in Portland, and who after 3 years, forgets to tell me all the things that count. I love Derek, my fiancée’ with my whole heart, and I would never do anything to hurt him, but the way I feel around this other guy is amazing. He tells me everything I ever wanted to hear…and means it. We’ve shared a couple small kisses, with no tongue involved, it feels wrong to kiss another. Should I stop, and devote myself to my fiancée’???? Is this other guy the one to be with? We have sooo much in common, whenever we are together we share constant deja vu…? Help me here.”

 Dr Thatslife has this to say…

There is a whole slew of stuff in here that says stop everything! Right off the bat, you shouldn’t be marrying Derek. If you are saying things about your fiancée like “he forgets to tell me all the things that count”, and you are thinking about other guys in the way you do about your co-worker, can you imagine 5 years from now when you are actually married? Lets get fucking real here, you aren’t even married and already both of you sound like you’ve fallen off the horse.

As for Dumbo at work… That is a case of in the right place at the right time. Look at the scenario, he’s 37 and you’re 18, he’s father of the Brady Bunch and still married. Aren’t ANY of these clues that he either isn’t really into this as much as you think, or if he is, then he is a sick bastard? It’s so obvious that he probably isn’t happy with the home life factor, and at 37, an 18 year old coming along and showing an interest is a perfect outlet away from that whole ball and chain marriage scene for him.

It’s very easy for a married man who isn’t happy with his wife of ye’old years and a house full of bouncing, high on Kool Aid, kids to sit and spill their heart out to an 18 year old. It is also very easy for him to tell you the exact words you are looking for to get that warm fuzzy feeling, because trust me he’s been there and done that years ago. He knows exactly what to say to get your little ticker going. I can tell you if the guy at work is always telling you he experiences deja vu around you, he’s full of shit.

Do you honestly think a relationship between you and a 37 year old could even in the remotest barren realms of possibility last for ANY length of time? HOLY SHIT ADRIENNE, HE COULD ALMOST BE YOUR FATHER. And that is probably part of what attracts you to him, that whole “father I never had syndrome” girls can have. If his current marriage wasn’t on the rocks he probably wouldn’t even give you a passing thought.

Lets pretend it all goes your way, Dumbo wants to get serious with you, leaves his family behind to embrace you for eternal undeniable love. WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU GOING TO TALK ABOUT? “Oh yeah, so like, school was so cool today, we did this neato experiment dissecting a frog’s left testicle in Science class.”, and the eyes will be rolling back in his head with boredom.

You need to a) Screw this marriage shit, for Christ sake you’re 18 go have some fun and live a little! b) If you want to keep talking with Dumbo, that’s fine, but seriously, screw the relationship idea, it sucks big ones. d) Hang out with someone your own age that speaks the romantic talk you are looking for. From you’re “we share constant deja vu” comment, I can tell you are really being taken for a ride on this co-worker thing, letting your emotions grab a hold of the situation rather then logic or reality.

That’s life!