I’m getting mixed signals from him, what should I do? Posted November 9th, 2007 in Dr Thatslife Advice

 Bethany, 15 from Switzerland writes…

“Dear Dr. Thatslife, I have a few problems right now and I was hoping you could give me some advice. There is this guy who is 17 that I like and he supposedly likes me too. Here’s the problem and I know its not uncommon for guys to do this but he keeps sending me mixed signals. For instance, in the one class we have together he always flirts with me and in the hallway or any other time I see him he doesn’t say hi to me or anything and he flirts with other girls in front of me. I know I’m making him sound kinda bad maybe but he is a really nice guy but what’s up with that? What should I do? Another thing is I asked him to do something with me on the weekend but he said “I don’t like to go places, I like to stay home.” What’s with that, what should I do? So he invited me and my best friend with her boyfriend over to his house and I said yeah, that would be fun but my parents said no and now I feel like they are giving me zero freedom or options and I really want to go to his house to hang out with him and some friends. Am I out of line to be upset with my parents or are they wrong? Thanks sooo much for your help.”

 Dr Thatslife has this to say…

Doesn’t like to “go places”? Who the hell is this guy? Even if you do hook up with him, isn’t it going to get pretty stale fast if he never wants to do anything except hang around the home front? GOD!

Those mixed signals at school he is giving you could mean a number of things. Example, the fact that he keeps his flirting to a single class and flirting with other girls elsewhere would tell me he’s trying to be a pimp daddy. “Don’t flirt with Bethany in the halls because then it ain’t easy to flirt with the other chickies.” Right? The fact that he doesn’t really recognize you outside of that class would flick the warning bells on as far as I’m concerned. If he was genuinely interested in you, he would make an effort irrespective of where he is. Another thing is that he may be paying attention to the age difference. Sounds stupid, but in school, two years to some people is a big difference. So although he may like you, he doesn’t want the world to know and therefore the whole no recognition thing in the halls could have something to do with that. The real reason why he acts like this could be anything. Whatever the cause, totally ignoring you in one place then flirting with you in another is fucking stupid and immature.

So he does invite you to his joint, but the parents are saying access denied… Have you had a level headed talk with them about it. Explaining that “parents will be there” (if they are); “I will be home by a certain time”; “there are only friends from school and I already know everyone who will be there from school”. What your trying to do with this talk is break down some of their fears and setting up some compromises and informing them of what is happening. When you are telling them you know everyone who will be there from school, what you’re really saying is, “No mom and dad, there are no strangers coming over I don’t know that are gonna sell me drugs and take me into the bedroom for a bonk session.” Its about telling them things that will make them warm and fuzzy. Telling them you will be home not so late is a good one. Offer for them to drop you off and pick you up - even better! If you do end up going out with the guy again another time, you can possibly put an extension on that time limit because you were so good about being home on time the last visit - right? The more information you hold back or are vague on, the more they suspect something is going on. Its about being mature in how you handle the situation, that is important to parents. Don’t break into a tantrum the night before you’re supposed to go over to his place - be mature about it.

So, yeah, you certainly are getting mixed messages but I would pay attention to the negative ones because they could be telling you a lot. If you really want to go, be respective of your parents and everything should fall into place.

That’s Life!