I don’t want him back or hurt his feelings! Posted September 12th, 2007 in Dr Thatslife Advice

Heather, 23 from USA writes…

“I have dated a guy for about six years. About eight months ago we broke up. I got over him which is something I never thought I could do. We broke up because not only did he cheat on me several times but he also started doing drugs heavily. He has done nothing but lied to me for the past three years. I always stayed with him and I don’t know why. My problem now is about a month ago I was dating a different guy who I was interested in. I talked to my ex (the guy of 6 yrs) for about 6 hours.

The new guy found out and got very upset and we stopped seeing each other. The problem is I have continued talking to my ex who now thinks we are back together. I know he has stopped the drugs, but I don’t have the feelings for him that I used to. The only thing is I don’t want to hurt him by telling him I don’t want him back. I have kind of said something like this to him and he got really upset and I felt really bad. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if my heart hurts because I hurt him or if he is who I really do want. We were high school sweethearts and we have so many different goals. Help me I feel like I am losing my mind.”

 Dr Thatslife has this to say…

You’re a real push over, “I don’t want to hurt him”, he didn’t seem to mind hurting you when he went on his cheating spree back when you broke up with him. Why do you give a shit about his feelings now? The fact that he’s your high school sweetheart and he’s done this stuff to you is all the more reason to break up with him. He’s just old crap that needs to be cleared out of the attic. So many different goals? What the hell is that? I would only hope you both have goals in your life, you don’t need someone unreliable like him for that.

Ok, now that I got all of that off my chest, lets look at this…. Six years, meaning you started dating this guy when you were, ohhh, 16 or 17. Don’t you have a desire to make change in your life. He obviously didn’t work out, and you broke up with him for a reason, try someone else! It sounds like it probably went on too long. Going back to him now is just a comfort zone thing for you. Its the easy way. That’s the problem with getting back to past relationships, and soon enough, you will realize why you dumped him in the first place.

Him cheating on you, why would that change this time around? If he did it the first time, there is truly nothing stopping him this time, no matter what cockamamie sob story he gives you this time about “Ohhh, I realize how wrong it was, and how right we are together, I will never do it again!!!!”. BULLSHIT, he knew exactly how wrong it was when he was doing it the first time. The drugs thing, I know this is a generalization, but what makes you so completely sure he has totally stopped doing it? For that matter, do you really want to be emotionally involved, and together with someone who does drugs AT ALL? The fact that he did drugs doesn’t impress anyone, its pathetic really, and I think you know that.

Anyway, it all adds up to… Move on, get a life and enjoy the millions of other men out there that WONT do drugs and cheat on you.

That’s Life!