Dependable but has his faults, is that good enough? Posted November 15th, 2007 in Dr Thatslife Advice

 Danni, 19 from America writes…

“I have been dating this guy for a year and a half. Sometimes I think I should leave him. I think maybe I could be happier. But I don’t know. We’ve got the whole trust thing, where I know he wont leave me or cheat on me. We talk about marriage, and I know it would be a steady marriage, but I don’t know if I could be getting more. But then I think, every woman is disappointed in her b-f or husband. They are always complaining. Do I take feeling secure or trying to find more happiness? Is that whole being in love so much, and being SO happy even real? Oh, what to do? Do I put up with his many faults, and stay happy because I know I at least have someone who is at least good enough and will always be there, or do I go and try to find this amazing guy who may or may not be out there?”

 Dr Thatslife has this to say…

No… Every woman isn’t disappointed in her boyfriend or husband. They may be always complaining but that doesn’t they tell you the whole story. People love to complain and very often can miss the good side of things. Or they could be right, and really do have shit awful boyfriends or husbands.

Just because your friends aren’t happy doesn’t mean you must have the same fate. Learn from their mistakes rather then plot them on your map to stop and visit. If sometimes you “think you should leave” him, listen to that voice.

You keep talking about how you can depend on him being there for you, but past that, it doesn’t sound like he has much else on offer. But isn’t that dependability really supposed to be part of any solid relationship? Its just not that special of a feature to warrant staying with someone. Its like saying you want to buy a particular car because it has a warranty. Well, so do lots of other cars out there that are just as good or better!

It sounds for the time you have put into this relationship, you haven’t got much out of it. I would say move on or at least explore your options. Talking about marriage is way too far ahead to what you SHOULD be thinking about. You need to sit down and ask yourself, “What am I getting out of this relationship if I stay with him for another year” for example. Can you or can you not come up with some compelling reasons for you to stay with him? The fact that he will be around could mean anything from he loves you to you being his comfort zone.

Having what you forecast to be a “steady marriage” sounds fucking awful. You want to at LEAST go INTO the marriage with dreams of being fulfilling with a solid all around relationship with someone you really do love. If you are talking about his “many faults”, that sure as hell isn’t marriage, or even boyfriend material. Why settle for that? Feel secure OR find happiness you ask? You want both!

That’s Life!