Cheated on my fiance at a party, and I don’ regret it! Posted September 30th, 2007 in Dr Thatslife Advice

 Steve, 24 from Canada writes…

“Okay, here goes. Please don’t judge to harshly.

On Saturday night, my friend had a house warming party at his new place. It was a really nice get together with all of the people that helped him move in. He paid for all the booze and supplied us with BBQed hamburgers and hotdogs. All very good, all very innocent. There were things going on though. Under current type things like my fiancés brother (who is actually one of my best dudes for the wedding) and his girlfriend of 5 years, are having some relationship problems. He is having other problems too. Like unemployment problems and some depression issues that he should really be seeing a psychologist for.

For most of the night, once people were well on their way to being fully intoxicated, everyone was trying to console him. Seeing if they could make him feel better by getting him to spill his guts. Apparently he even cried at one point. For some reason most of our parties involve someone crying or someone puking. Always one, but never both. The night progressed. The party moved to one of the bedrooms because they could smoke in there, there was no smoking in the rest of the apartment. So here is the part of the story that gets fucked. . .

4 people all crammed into the smoking room. My best friend, my fiancé’s brother’s girlfriend and I were in the living room. Talking, laughing and getting way too drunk off of gin and spiced rum. Around 2.30 my best friend passes out. The brother’s girlfriend (I’ll call her Sue) and I are left. We exchanged stories about family life, relationships (hers with the brother and mine with my fiancé). Came to the conclusion that her and I are really quite similar. Fine and good. We are both non aggressive people by nature and are easy to get along with most of the time. Things are going just fine. As we talk people are shuffling thru, going to the kitchen to mix more drinks.

This next chapter starts like many others. I was getting very drunk. You have probably drawn your own picture of the next events, but I will fill in the grey areas for you. I will begin by telling you that Sue is a very attractive young woman. She is about 6 feet tall with dirty-red/blonde hair, she is about as big around as my little finger and…well you know.

We started talking about our sex lives, or lack there of. We talked about how we like to have sex, we talked about where we would like to have sex, how hard and how many times we would like to have sex. She told me how tight she was, and I told her how big I was…in the matter of only half an hour our conversation had gone from innocent and fun to kinky and dirty and fun. Somehow I ended up in the same lazy boy recliner as her. Sitting beside her, hand on her knee. (This is the wrong place to break a paragraph, but fuck it).

We continued our sex talk, except the conversation had moved from doing those acts mentioned with our respective partners to doing it with each other. I confessed to her that for the past 3 years I wondered what it would be like to fuck her brains out. She was very interested in finding out as well………..

My Jiminy Cricket spoke up. “What the fuck do you think you are doing you stupid muther fucker. Here you are about to move into a FULLY committed relationship with the woman you love and you are sitting on this little recliner talking about how you want to fuck this chick up the ass while fingering her pussy. You want to throw everything away go right the fuck ahead. But if I were you I get the fuck off of this chair and go have a smoke and relax…by yourself.” My Jiminy Cricket had spoken and I listened to him. I always do.

It was now 4.30. I went for my smoke out on the deck, people emerged from the smoking room and got themselves some more drinks then returned to the room from which they had come. I mixed another drink. I thought about all the shit her and I would get into. I returned to the recliner and talked to her about the possible consequences of a little romp. Then somehow and someway we were kissing. Not little pecks but some very heavy and hearty tonguing. We kissed for about a minute. Then we heard the bedroom door opened, voices filled the hallway and I got my ass up out of that recliner. I headed out the door and had a smoke outside.

It was now about 5 in the morning. Everyone who was in that room returned to it. And I, being led by the dumb-stick, returned to the chair. Fortunately my sister came out and started talking to me. If it wasn’t for that and the fact that my best friend was asleep on the couch something more serious probably would have occurred. 5.15 rolled around and my fiancé finally came to get me saying that she was really tired and that it was time to go. She never questioned why Sue and I were sitting in the same chair together because I never used to like Sue, mainly because my fiancé doesn’t ( that’s a whole other story though).

Sunday all I could think about was getting in shit for that kiss the night before. I don’t feel bad about kissing her. What I feel bad about and the only thing that kept me from going further with her was the consequences. The shit that would be disturbed would be huge. It would kill my fiancé, she would break up with me….blah blah blah. I don’t feel guilt, I am curious. Temptation was there and I only resisted a little. That’s the end of my story for now. I should know better than to do shit within the family like this… I always though that if I was ever to get into an affair that would be smart enough to not get caught. To not make out with someone who is in my family circle for one thing. To keep her at a distance from everyone I knew. This is the exact opposite of that. Very dumb. Very stupid, but it was nice. I am wondering if this was telling me if I m not ready to get married, maybe I’m panicking. help.”

 Dr Thatslife has this to say…

Its such a strange situation isn’t it… One voice is leading you back to the magic chair over and over again for more boot knockin’. The other is yelling “HEY FUCK HEAD…. Remember, you have a fiancé!” Both with their own pull that drag you one way one minute, and another the next. You can’t blame what happened on her, the alcohol, the party, nothing except you. The fact that you had little regret about it and the only thing you were really genuinely concerned about after the fact was the possibility of her nagging you out says a lot.

Lets look at what happened… You obviously don’t want a relationship with the chair girl. Mainly because she isn’t going to give you that. She sounds like fun for sure, but she represents no level of stability, loving, care or anything except animal sex in your mind, right? So, figure out whether you did it because you are nervous about the whole marriage thing, or you really are trying to get some extra goodies on the side.

Being nervous about the marriage could possibly lead you to be looking around frantically at your last moments of ringless freedom (errr) I mean single status, causing you to do stupid shit like this. It really is a bad move, because you are hurting someone that you are intending to spend your life with and supposedly love. Ask yourself if you will be strong enough to resist the next time a girl with her legs open for you comes your way. If you’re unsure, you should also be very unsure about continuing the marriage.

You trying to get some good times on the side, basically means your a fucking asshole and you’re not ready for a marriage commitment. As you pointed out, you are being led by Mr Happy Man, call off this wedding and get your friggin’ act together. You need to get back to this relationship when you have all this playing around crap out of your system. At 24 you may not be mentally ready to kiss your final set of lips. You need to realise that life is filled with temptations like the chair girl at every corner. Are you ready to turn them down? If you’re not, marriage isn’t for you. Remind yourself what the definition of a marriage is and if what you’re doing falls in line with that.

Both point out a lack of self control, and raises the question of whether this character trait of yours is really going to change or not. Marriage jitters is basically an excuse for poor conduct, getting good times on the side is acknowledging poor conduct. If this was just a girlfriend and you we’re only dating her, you would still be a genuine prick, her being your fiancé just makes this a whole lot more gross. Think of how you felt when she came to pick your dumb ass up from that very party. That will give you some insight as to how much you really care about her and how wrong a marriage would be. Your lack of concern about her feelings, and only a fear of the disciplinary repercussions of what you did show you don’t care about her and marriage really is a bad idea.

You have a lot of thinking to do. For her sake, if you’re not going to be honest with her, pull out of the marriage. It is something that is supposed to symbolize (among many other important things) honesty between two people.

That’s Life!