Boyfriend is very clingy and I want some space! Posted October 24th, 2007 in Dr Thatslife Advice

 Jessica, 17 from Poughkeepsie writes…

“My boyfriend is up my ass. He never gives me time to myself and he never wants to hang out with his friends. He tells me constantly that his life revolves around me. I’ve tried talking to him about this before but he doesn’t seem to get the message. I love him and I want to stay with him but I need time to myself. How can I can I make him see this without hurting him?”

 Dr Thatslife has this to say…

Whoa, this guy seriously needs to get a life. Anyone that completely and totally devotes themselves to one person and excludes the remainder of the planet’s population has issues.

Don’t worry, I can completely understand how you feel. It must invoke feelings of having no life; lack of self identity; that you are almost not you; a feeling of having no interests or social circle of your own or outlet to just discover and enjoy who you are without him. All because this fucking idiot is ALWAYS AROUND. It is not a good way to live, most especially when you are 17 and are still exploring who YOU are and what YOU want to do with YOUR life.

I would say the best thing you could possibly do is give him a stern ultimatum to start giving you major breathing space or you will drop kick him into the dumped zone. When he hears that this relationship he is so insecure about could crumble, he should give in and comply to your plead for air. Be understanding and polite (he does love you), but very stern about your intentions and feelings because your previously failed attempts were probably too weak to get through to him.

In a situation like this, not only is he hurting himself by becoming so dependant on you, but he’s killing your life too. There is no way of making him see the situation without hurting him. He is too dependant on you, and you have to tell him that it is unhealthy. He must develop his own life outside of your relationship.

Talk about a limited life this guy must have, isn’t he really fucking boring? If someone doesn’t hang around anyone and doesn’t do a whole lot of anything except see his girlfriend, what is he really going to say or do that he didn’t the visit before? Do you really want to be around someone that is literally feeding off of your existence to support his own? When you say you love him, what is it that you love about him? You may find you are clinging onto him to a degree too. Get this guy to change pronto, or move on and get your life back.

That’s Life!