What if my boyfriend cheats while he’s gone? Posted August 24th, 2007 in Dr Thatslife Advice

 Alexa, 22 from America writes…

“Well… To me, my problem seems rather complicated, but here it goes (takes a deep breath)… I have a boyfriend who I have been dating for a little over 2 and a half years now. He’s decided to go on a week’s vacation in Colorado with a bunch of his guy friends and won’t be back until late next Tuesday. Sure, he’ll have fun and everything, but I’m scared that something will happen to him. I’m not talking about serious things like him getting killed or something, but things like getting drunk, on the count he doesn’t drink, meeting girls there and falling in love with them like a fool, forgetting about me when he comes back, or beginning to lose interest in spending time with me and spending much more time with his friends. You know, it’s shit like that. This is his first time going on vacation without me and like whenever I don’t see him or talk to him for a long time, I get worried that something bad would happen. I hope you don’t think I’m crazy saying all of this. What do you think I should do?”

 Dr Thatslife has this to say…

What should you do??? Tell him to “have a good time on his trip” as you kiss him goodbye! It can be very easy in a situation like this to let your imagination, fueled by insecurity and dependency, run away from you and blow the whole thing way out of proportion. Before you know it, this trip has been recreated down to the finest level of detail in your head (before it has even happened, of course) into a giant drunken orgy starring your boyfriend and the local Colorado sluts. However, you need to get a grip and look at it for what it really is and decide if the threat in your mind is for real or not.

There is nothing complicated about this. Your boyfriend has decided to have a trip with the guys. Period. Why would you think for even a moment that your boyfriend would change his patterns of behavior over night? He has been committed to you for over TWO AND A HALF YEARS. Doesn’t that give you a hint that he has dedicated himself to you? From your consultation, it doesn’t appear that he has ever given you a reason to doubt his faithfulness to you before. Why would he blow almost 3 years of a good thing on some weekend drunken fling? For that matter, it doesn’t sound like he usually drinks in the first place! So why do you automatically assume he will suddenly practice binge drinking as soon as he goes on a trip?! If they had women going on the trip, I could see cause for alarm, but its a bunch of guys doing guy stuff Alexa!

Trust is a major component of a long term relationship, it sounds like he is a responsible person, so live up to your part of the trust and TRUST HIM!!! You need to remind yourself that you love him, he loves you and some out of town chick isn’t going to stand between that. It could even be that this time away actually brings the two of you closer! Yup, being apart can make partners really realize what they have waiting for them back home!

What can you do to help yourself through this? Ask him to call you a couple of times during the trip and let you know everything is ok. You will know from his voice and what he says everything is just fine. But DON’T turn it into an over-the-phone interrogation! Just ask him how everything is and whether the trip is going well. Also, do your own stuff! Get the girls together for some fun - you don’t have to miss out on having a good time. If you sit at home every night brewing over all the things your boyfriend “could be” doing, YOU WILL DRIVE YOURSELF NUTS! He is going to do what he is going to do whether you worry about it or not, so why worry!? Don’t forget it goes both ways, he could possibly be thinking the same way about you! Now you think, “Well I would never do those things to him!”, so why are you worried about him doing them to you?

That’s Life!