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Q. Why doesn’t Smokey the Bear have any kids?
A. Everytime his wife gets hot, he covers her with dirt and beats her with a shovel.

A guy walks into a doctor’s office with a 5 iron wrapped around his neck and 2 black eyes. “What happened to you?” asked the doctor. “Well it all started when my wife and I were golfing and by accident she hit the ball into a cow field. When we went to investigate, I saw the ball in a cow’s ass. I went and lifted the tail of the cow and that’s when I made my mistake.” Puzzled, the doctor asks “What mistake was that?” The guy replies, “I said ‘Hey this looks like yours hun!’”

Tonight is the night! Dr Thatslife will be taking your calls, dishing out his signature slap in the face advice on relationship and life issues. Whether you’ve got more baggage than an airport, or just need some advice on what the hell to do with that moronic spouse of yours, Dr Thatslife is here to interfere.
Call-in time starts tonight at 8pm Eastern Time sharp and runs till midnight, or whenever Dr Thatslife passes out. The best consultations will be aired on our pilot episode pod cast next week for all the world to hear. The most “interesting” caller of the night wins a Tom Green collector’s box DVD set with over 600 hours of ridiculous footage.
So don’t sit there with your thumb up your ass tonight, use it to pick up the phone and talk to the doc… Dr Thatslife!
The Dr Thatslife Show Hot Line 1 (805) 624-JOKE
There was an old hooker named Chariff,
who let out a monstrous queef,
with the grace of a swan,
she said to her John,
“Does anyone else smell roast beef?”

A group of prisoners are in their rehabilitation meeting. Their task for today is to each stand up in turn, speak their name and admit to their fellow inmates what crime they committed. The first prisoner stands and says “My name is Daniel and I’m in for murder.” Everyone gives him approving looks and pats on the back for admitting his wrongdoing.
The next guy stands up and says “My name is Mike and I’m in for armed robbery.” Again, there is a round of approving looks. This goes around the circle until it gets to the last guy. He stands up and says “My name is Luke, but I’m not telling you what I’m in for.” The group leader says “Now, come on Luke, you have to admit it to us to make any progress. Tell us what you did.”
“Alright then… I’m in for fucking dogs.” Everyone is disgusted! They shout “What!!?? How low can you get!” To which Luke replies, “Well… I did manage do to a Dachshund one time, but I had to lift her back legs up a little.”
Q. What is the definition of “making love”?
A. Something a woman does while a man is fucking her.
Next Jokes »
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| Ronald (Sep 10): My specialties include lollygagging, mouth breathing and shitting the bed.
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