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Darren marries the girl of his dreams, and they go on their honeymoon. On their first night, Darren leaves the hotel room to get a pack of cigarettes in the lobby. When he gets back, his bride is lying on the bed naked fucking one of the bellhops. Another one is under her, pumping her in the ass. She’s sucking off the desk clerk, and she’s jerking off a cab driver and the dishwasher at the same time. Darren screams, “What the fuck are all these jerk-offs doing in here?” She says, “Well, you always knew I was a flirt.”
There once was a vampire named Mable,
whose periods were really quite stable,
and every full moon,
she’d get out a spoon,
and drink herself under the table.
There was a young woman named Sally,
who loved an occasional dally,
she sat on the lap,
of a well endowed chap,
and said “You’re right up my alley!”
Two guys are drinking at a bar. The first says “Do you ever start thinking about something, and when you go to talk, you say something you don’t mean?” The second guy replies “Yeah, I was at the airport buying plane tickets, and the chick behind the counter had these huge tits. So instead of asking her for ‘two tickets to Pittsburgh’ I asked for ‘two tickets to Titsburgh’”. The first guy says, “Yeah, well I was having breakfast with my wife last week, and instead of saying ‘Honey, could you please pass me the sugar?’ I said, ‘You’ve ruined my life you fucking bitch!’”
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Mark and Angela go on their honeymoon; and Mark spends hours of the honeymoon night eating Angela’s pussy. The next afternoon, they go to an Italian restaurant. During their meal Mark suddenly freaks out screaming “Waiter! Waiter! Come over here!” The waiter promptly runs over to the table and asks, “Can I help you, sir?” Mark yells, “There’s a hair in my spaghetti! Get it the fuck out of here!” The waiter apologizes profusely as he quickly takes the spaghetti away. Angela looks over at Mark, shaking her head, and whispers “What a hypocrite you are. You spent most of last night with your face full of hair!” Mark says, “Yeah? Well, how long do you think I’d have stayed if I found a piece of spaghetti in there?”
There once was a girl named Louise,
whose cunt-hair hung down to her knees,
so the crabs in her twat
tied the hair in a knot,
and constructed a flying trapeze.
A man was driving down an Alaskan road when his car suddenly broke down. Luckily he had his mobile phone, and called for a car repairman that arrived shortly thereafter. The repairman opened the car’s bonnet and after a while said “It looks like you’ve blown a seal.” The man replies “No, it’s just frost on my moustache.”
Next Jokes »
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| Kevin (May 19): Your mom was great last night, but a bit on the expensive side.
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